The Permanent Diaconate:Exploring the Possibility

By Diane Calvin
Special to The CS&T

My husband Michael surprised me a few years ago with the following request, “Will you come with me next week to a meeting at St. Charles Borromeo Seminary? There will be an information session for people interested in the Permanent Diaconate.”
What? Where was this coming from, I wondered? After all, we’ve been married for 16 years and have four great kids living under our roof who keep us busy. In addition to holding down a more-than-full time job as a financial manager, my husband was also quite involved in our parish (lector, extraordinary minister of Holy Communion, parish council member). Wasn’t that enough?
Then, I recalled his personal journey before we had met. Michael had studied at a seminary in New Jersey for two years, wanting to “get to know God better,” as he put it, and to explore the possibility of a religious vocation. In time, he came to realize that the priesthood was not in his future; rather, he felt called to marry and have a family. (Lest you think that I played a part in that decision, we met a year after he left the seminary.)
I know that Michael has always valued his faith life immensely, so his request to attend this information meeting really shouldn’t have surprised me. For the last few months, the Holy Spirit had apparently been gently “nudging” him to explore again the possibility of a vocation; only this time it was to the permanent diaconate.
We attended the information session on an autumn evening in 2002. A wealth of information was provided by Father Dennis Carbonaro, administrator, and Sister Veronica Gross, R.S.M. They are the heart and soul of the Department of Permanent Deacons of the Archdiocese of Philadelphia — they literally brimmed with joy, enthusiasm, respect and a deep understanding of what this vocation involves. Personal testimonies by ordained deacons and their wives shed still more light on the diaconate and how it would transform our lives in multiple ways.
Given all of that, I still wasn’t ready to jump into this whole thing just yet. Father Carbonaro and Sister Veronica repeatedly stressed that we wives needed to be in agreement and support our husbands because this vocation affects the entire family.
I didn’t want to dampen Michael’s enthusiasm, but I wasn’t at that place of acceptance yet. I needed time to digest what had been presented, time to reflect on how the six years of classes would influence our family life and time to let the impact of a decision this large sink in. So I asked Michael for that time.
He agreed that we as a couple, as a family, needed to pray and mull this over a lot more.
One year later, there remained some lingering questions and concerns, but I could not hold my husband back any longer. Whether he will make it all the way to ordination is unknown but, given his love for the Church and his talents, we had to accept this invitation from God.
What followed next was an extensive interview process, background checks, psychological testing, etc. It was time-consuming and occasionally frustrating, but in retrospect, the wisdom behind this carefully planned process was evident. Because a deacon’s vocation impacts not only himself, but also his wife and family, the process must be thorough.
We were all involved in the interviews/paperwork to varying degrees, and we would continue to be part of the ongoing discernment that goes with such a far-reaching change.
The day that Michael received his acceptance letter was a day of mixed emotions. The excitement and elation over where God might be leading us next was held in check by a healthy dose of apprehension and concern about the unknown. All we could do was trust that the Lord would show us the way; day by day, class by class.
We are now halfway through the first year. In those early weeks, there was a little foot-dragging on my part when driving down to the Seminary. Just what exactly were we getting ourselves into? Juggling the classes and various meetings was no small feat, and there wasn’t even any real homework this first year! Plus, we had to make sure that the children’s homework and activities schedules were tended to while we were gone. But as time went by, I joined my husband in looking forward to Wednesday evenings and the monthly Day of Reflection. The instructors have been alternately enthusiastic, prayerful, humorous and brimming with knowledge. An inviting mixture for sure.
Our class of 11 candidates and their wives have come to know, enjoy, and appreciate one another as well. Our backgrounds and occupations are varied, but the binding force is an obvious and shared love of God and a desire to serve His people.
Wives are encouraged to attend class alongside their spouses, not only for the educational and spiritual benefits, but also for a greater understanding and appreciation of what their husbands are experiencing.
The focus of this year, coined the “Aspirancy Year,” continues to be discernment, which we all are discovering is truly an ongoing process. Whether all 11 candidates will eventually be ordained is unknown for now. We do know that, at this moment, we are meant to be on the journey together.

Diane Calvin is a mother of four who writes on faith and family issues.