Adoption: A selfless
expression of love

By NADIA POZO
CS&T Staff Writer

To some, giving a child up for adoption is the irresponsible solution to an unwanted pregnancy. But many women involved in such adoptions say that it is an extreme sacrifice, an act of love in which a woman places the child’s best interests before her own.
“I’ve never had a burning desire to find my birth parents,” said adoptee Kim Marshall, director of Generation Life Philadelphia — a dynamic youth-led pro-life organization. “But in the last three years, I’ve been really impacted realizing what this woman did [for me]. I pray for her. I have a big ‘thank you’ for her. If we are meant to meet, then God will ordain it.”
Growing up, Kim never asked why her biological mother gave her up at six weeks, nor was it an issue for her. It wasn’t until she became immersed in the pro-life movement in her late 20s and early 30s, where she saw countless young mothers going into abortion facilities, that Kim began to understood her biological mother’s profound act of love.
Hannah understands.
“I was born in 1971 and abortions were becoming more common. I was spared. If you get into the concept of Christ and love, Christ held nothing back and gave us everything and died. This woman, by giving birth to me and dying to herself – dying to her biological attachments – really died to herself. Through her single death, there has been so much life.”
Words like these mean a lot to women who have given up their children, women like Hannah (not her real name), who was just 16 when she became pregnant. It was the mid-70s and Hannah was too young to keep her baby, particularly without the involvement of a father. So adoption was the best option she could offer her child.
“It was more difficult after I had the baby,” Hannah explained. “I began to mourn her loss. You get attached to the baby in the womb. I know the Lord put her in a good family.”
For Hannah, the experience taught her about sacrifice on many different levels that she wouldn’t have learned had she had an abortion.
In fact, she believes that more young women would choose adoption over abortion if they had the support of their parents and information about adoption.
“I feel many girls don’t even face their parents — that’s part of the problem. They think their parents will kill them, but I believe most parents would be loving and help them give the baby up for adoption or [help them] keep the baby. There are so many places willing to help.”
Hannah believes God guided her and although she isn’t proud of having had premarital sex, she knows she didn’t do anything wrong by giving up her baby for adoption.
“Adoption means a new life for both the baby and the parents receiving the baby. I can’t imagine their happiness at receiving her. In a sense, [the adoption] was even a new life for me.”
Actually, Anna Burdumy can imagine the happiness of adopting a child because she and her husband did just that. Burdumy recalls the moment she and her husband first laid their eyes on their adopted baby girl.
“You could see what a gift she was as soon as she was put in our arms,” Anna recalled. “Kristina was so beautiful with her big blue eyes. She had a big smile for us. We felt an instant bond. For six months, I was teary eyed because I couldn’t believe she was here. I had waited so long.”
After having their biological son, John, the Burdumys were unable to conceive again, but Anna knew in the depths of her heart that she and her husband were called to adopt. The couple adopted Kristina, now 6-years-old, from Russia in 1998, and three months ago they adopted Nicholas, now a 1-year-old, from Belorussia.
“God puts this seed in a person’s heart and lets it grow,” she said. “Infertility was definitely a blessing for us. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have had these two beautiful children – who wouldn’t have had parents without us. We did this through prayer and trust in God. He leads you. This was definitely planned for our family.”
Adoption is not without its struggles and sacrifices, Anna says, recalling the difficulties they experienced with Nicholas. Due to financial restraints and a family crisis, the adoption took longer than expected. As a result, by the time Nicholas came, he was older and unattached. At first, Anna did not feel the same connection she had felt with Kristina. This was upsetting to her. But now, after three months, Nicholas is a changed boy.
“He looks like a different kid. He has a full head of hair and rosy cheeks. He’s always smiling and he really knows his mom!”
In the end, the Burdumys believe it is worth signficant sacrifice to save a child’s life.
“For me, to try to conceive children through all these crazy ways that are also expensive, but have no guarantees, didn’t seem right,” Anna said. “There are children all over the world that you could have if you are just open. Because of the uncertainty, so many people have the fear that an adopted child will have problems. A biological child can have problems too. Kristina is super-bright but I would still love her even if she had problems. A child is a child regardless of where they come from.”
The Burdumys have been open with Kristina about her adoption and they plan to share the information with Nicholas as soon as he can understand. The couple celebrate Kristina’s Russian culture as much as they can and keep in touch with the six other couples that adopted children from the same orphanage. They celebrate the day the children were adopted and they are open to answer any questions the children have.
This was exactly how Kim’s parents handled her and her older brother’s adoption when they were children.
“We always knew,” Kim said. “They always said to us, ‘You are not flesh of my flesh, but you’re of my heart and from God. He designed it for us to be together,’ so being adopted was very normal to us.”
Faith played an integral part in explaining their adoption.
“They explained it with our Faith story,” Kim said. “God adopted us through His Son Jesus, so we’re all adopted children of God. Adoption is the ultimate expression of selfless love.”
Kim sees that kind of selfless love occuring twice within adoptions, both in the mother who offers her child a better life and in the couples who accept their infertility as God’s will and open themselves to loving a child that is not their own.
“An empty womb is also a death in itself and to leave that pain at the altar and be open to adoption – God will bless them,” Kim said. “There is a shortage of infants for couples waiting to adopt so some may be called to adopt a child with disabilities or an older child.”
That’s called loving without boundaries – that’s called loving others the way Christ loved us.
For more information about adoptions through Catholic Social Services, contact (215) 587-0529.

Contact Nadia Pozo at npozo@adphila.org or (215) 965-4614.