Ray Guarendi on pop culture:
Assaulted by ‘video cocaine’

By Diane Calvin
Special to The CS&T

At an amusement park in Ohio, the Blue Streak was all the rage just a generation ago. This roller coaster provided the stomach churning satisfaction sought by thrill-seekers in the region. But as expectations for exhilaration have risen, so too have the heights of today’s coasters. On a quest for the ultimate experience, children and grownups now flock to Millenium Force, which provides a thundering 400-foot-drop at speeds topping 90 m.p.h. In contrast, the Blue Streak seems antiquated, providing a buzz to only the very young or timid of heart.

This anecdote describing the public’s changing preferences was relayed by Dr. Ray Guarendi, a clinical psychologist and syndicated columnist, at recent speech at Regina Coeli Academy in Wyndmoor, Pa.

Talking to an audience of educators and parents, he likened the evolution of the roller coaster to the evolution of pop culture. In Guarendi’s words,“Our kids are being assaulted with [increasingly] higher levels of stimulation. It’s almost like they are on video cocaine.”

There is an incessant pull on them to watch, listen to and play various media the content of which, according to Guarendi, pushes the envelope of decency and appropriateness.

Throughout the evening, Guarendi’s animated speaking style was peppered with anecdotes of family life and humor.

Referring to his professional credentials he quipped, “I’ve been ‘shrinking’ now for 25 years — I used to be 6-foot-3.”

That spirit of lightheartedness kept the audience engaged. Interwoven among the tales of his own life — he and his wife home-school their 10 children — were some startling statistics and sobering facts. For instance, in a survey completed in the 1940s, adolescents were asked about the influences that had shaped them as individuals. The number one answer was “parents” followed in descending order by teachers, God/religion, and finally, friends.

In 1992, according to Guarendi, the same question was again posed to adolescents. Not surprisingly, the answers were nearly reversed. Modern teens were swayed by friends more than anyone or anything else. TV ranked second, followed by parents and teachers. Coming in a distant fifth was God/religion.

Just how did we get to this point? Guarendi said that many factors come into play, but hardly anyone will dispute the pressure, power and persuasion that today’s culture has on society in general, and our kids in particular.

Guarendi admits that it’s becoming harder and harder to monitor what goes into kid’s eyes, ears, hearts and spirits. But that doesn’t mean parents have license to shrug their responsibilities or give in to helpless exasperation.

While trends in contemporary psychology warn parents not to shelter their kids too much for fear that they “won’t know how to deal with the world,” Guarendi takes a different tact. Vigilant monitoring is a cornerstone of his philosophy. Poking a little fun at the whole thing, he said, “I’ve even been accused of being ‘quasi-Amish,’ but that’s okay with me.”

Guarendi posed the following question to his audience at Regina Coeli: “Who do you want looking back at you when they’re 22 years old?” If the answer is a moral, charitable, peaceful adult child, he said, then you need to be willing to go the extra mile by staying engaged and involved in your child’s life.

Guarendi also addressed some of the media sources that can either endanger or enhance children’s lives.

Surprisingly, Guarendi does not entirely vilify television. In his home, he said, cable television is preferred to network offerings. Programming on the History Channel and the Learning Channel are enjoyed by his children, and he permits them to watch most of the “oldies” shows on the TV Land channel. When the commercials come on, his kids know to reach for the remote control and temporarily switch to another approved channel — to avoid often unsavory advertisements.

Televisions in children’s bedrooms get an emphatic ‘no’ from Guarendi. Even if Grandma gives your child a set for his or her room, Guarendi is adamant about finding a more public place for it. It may sound harsh, he said, but “If Grandma gave your child cocaine, would you let him or her have it just because it was a gift? All gifts must be judged in the context of what you want for your child.”

‘Dr. Ray,’ as his fans know him, has much to say about other purveyors of pop culture values. About the Internet and pornography, he said, “Invest in the best screening tools you can afford, and no ‘chat rooms’ ever. Period.” He mentioned that 60 percent of all Internet hits are for porn sites and that although it might be impossible to prevent children from stumbling onto it accidentally, parental diligence can delay the exposure.

“Remember,” he said, “a 13-year old boy has the hormone level of a bison. When he looks at racy ads displayed on the sides of buses, or on TV, just think of what that’s doing to him.”

Guarendi on movies: “Don’t trust the rating system to the Hollywood establishment. What used to be ‘R’ rated now passes for ‘PG-13.’ Today’s PG movies were once deemed ‘PG-13’ material. Does a Hollywood producer have the moral standards that you do?” Guarendi said that his family has been burned by the ratings system: “There were a few occasions when we should have gotten up and left the theater with kids in tow.”

On music: “My kids don’t listen to the radio. The shock jocks and lyrics are too offensive. Instead, a few of the older kids have slowly developed an appreciation for Sinatra and the like.” Guarendi also spoke about the isolating impact that the use of headsets with portable players have had on youth. “A coach recently told me that in years past there was a sense of camaraderie on the sports bus coming back from the games. Now, the bus is eerily silent as everyone is plugged into their own headsets.”

Guarendi also has rules for children about dating.

“My oldest just turned 18 and is now allowed to date for the first time.” His rationale is that “If kids are permitted to date at ages 13 and 14, what will there be too look forward to when they are 18? Kids who date early [are more frequently] engaging in sexual activities by their late teens.”

In his closing remarks, Guarendi acknowledged that small doses of “negatives” aren’t likely to harm children brought up in an otherwise loving and moral home. Though some parents may argue that his strategies are unrealistic, Guarendi’s closing remark left little room for disagreement: “Instead of asking ourselves ‘Will this hurt my child,’ we need to ask ourselves the following — is this going to help my child?”