The Catholic Standard and Times

Heavenly mother, earthly mother

By Diane M. Calvin
Special to The CS&T

They met at a party in Milwaukee when they were in high school. They dated for a few years, and after graduation, became engaged. Because Karl had enlisted in the army, he was sent to Texas for training. Mary stayed in Milwaukee, working as a bookkeeper.

Some months later Mary received a phone call from Karl, telling her that he would be back home in a couple of weeks for an unexpected — and brief — military leave before shipping off to California. Most people have at least a year to plan their wedding day. Not Mary. She had two weeks.

Many relocations followed — both military and business-related. Mary packed up the family of six a total of 19 times in the first 20 years of marriage. It was a remarkable feat for someone who was frequently either pregnant or nursing an infant, with the rest of the youngsters scampering underfoot, during the moves. Twice the young family was transferred to foreign countries where Americans were not wholeheartedly welcome and English was not spoken. Through it all, in each location and to the best of her abilities, Mary gave her children a sense of rootedness and family.

The challenges of moving as many times as there were years, however, paled by comparison to the heartbreak the couple experienced when their first child was stillborn, and again, years later, when they learned that their second son had died in a bike accident in San Francisco, at the age of 33.

There were many moments of anger, depression, sadness, confusion, and struggle in making sense of these tragedies. The feeling of loss could never be completely erased. But in the end, a deep and abiding faith prevailed, and Mary remained true to her Catholic roots.

Through the years, Mary has exuded a warmth that makes family and visitors feel instantly embraced.

When her kids were younger, every birthday cake was hand-decorated with her carefully crafted roses and swirls. The varicose veins in her legs would ache from standing so long, by the time the last flourish of icing was applied — but the cakes served as tangible symbols of her love.

Like every woman who walks the earth, Mary has her share of flaws, idiosyncrasies and pet peeves. There were days when she lost her temper, times when she had PMS, and moments when she wanted to escape the demands of motherhood, if only for a time. I can vouch for all of this, you see, because “Mary” is my mom.

Despite her human imperfections, Mom mirrors for me some of the traits of our Blessed Mother: fortitude, flexibility, generosity, and faithfulness.

There are similarities in the lives of these two women. Not only do they share a name, they share life-altering experiences: being suddenly uprooted and moving to an inhospitable foreign land; experiencing the loss of a beloved son and being helpless to intercede.

Surely in that profound commonality, Mary, our Heavenly Mother, has been a source of strength and consolation to Mary, my earthly mother.

I thank God for both of my mothers. I am blessed to have them.

Diane Calvin is a mother of four who writes on faith and family issues. Write to her at DMCCalvin@Comcast.net