The Catholic Standard & Times

By Vincent Kituku
Special to the CS&T

Before you give up being the one who initiates phone calls to the people you love, pick up that phone and call them one more time. You never know what has made them not call you lately.

There are times in life when we feel, “Oh, well. Why call, if [he or she] cannot call me — I am the one who has called the last several times”

Unreturned phone calls are sometimes interpreted by the one who has been calling as lack of interest in maintaining a good relationship. And if the person who fails to return our call has done something stupid, his or her silence may signal feelings of guilt.

However, I have come to conclude that there are times when good people may not call because of circumstances beyond their control.

When we lived in Laramie, Wyo., there was another family from Kenya that lived in Fort Collins, Colo. Sometimes we made arrangements to spend nights visiting, although the distance between the two cities is only about 60 miles.

We — my wife and I — were students at the University of Wyoming at the time, and so were my friend and his wife.

A time came when it seemed that I was the only one who initiated our phone conversations. My natural reaction was not to bother them.

But somehow, I decided to call them. Words cannot describe how astonished I was when I learned about my “silent” friends’ predicament.

Their youngest child had developed a rare disease that transformed their lives forever. An ambulance was the most frequent vehicle in their driveway. They were in and out of hospital on a weekly basis, sometimes provided an extra room at the hospital, in case their child’s condition turned for the worst.

Since then, I have monitored the silence patterns of dear friends. In most cases, unexpected silence from people who had being in-touch regularly may be the right signal for us to make that call.

In the last few years, I have noticed that silence could be induced by being downsized, or divorce. Parents going through tough times with their teenagers may be so disillusioned that the last thing in their to-do list is to call anyone else.

Recently, I called a friend and found she had lost her husband. Another “silent” friend had undergone hip replacements. The silence of several friends had been triggered by the sudden death of a parent.

Before you give up calling those whose silence has been bothering you, pick up your phone — and call them. You never know. Hearing from you might be the only thing that gives them hope for a better tomorrow.

Your phone call will carry an important message — someone cares and is thinking, and praying — for him or for her.

Vincent Muli Wa Kituku is an author, motivational speaker and trainer who is a member of the Catholic Press Association.